(no subject)

[c9]

I now present: Ask Eight Bitchy Gay Guys At A Party!

(straights, women, and miscellaneous also welcome)

Funniest answers to this letter could end up published! (no names will be printed, no payment, no ownership, no copyright, etc)

DEAR 8BGGAAP: When I date a man, I wine and dine him with gifts and candlelight dinners, but they never seem to be appreciated. Not only that, none of them ever do anything for me. I am always being stood up, heartbroken, used or taken advantage of.

What am I doing wrong? What do men want or look for in a woman? Also, should I be dating men who are separated? -- LONELY AND CONFUSED, COLUMBIA, MD.

Comments

[bartok.livejournal.com]

LACCM,

You are obviously either extremely ugly and/or fat. You are a woman unable to score in an era when men will turn to soft fruit for pleasure. Buy a good paper bag to put over your head when you go out in public.

[nihilicious.livejournal.com]

Props to Cam! I totally forgot about this idea. Was this my idea? I'm totally claiming it as my idea.

Although in my concept, I think the responses were in dialogue form.

I will respond, but I need time to kick the bitchy up a notch.

[c9.livejournal.com]

You were by far the most enthusiastic about the idea, so it was probably yours to start with. :)

Dialogue works -- we have lj comments!

[fiver00.livejournal.com]

A woman wrote this? Color me confused. The line, "I wine and dine him with gifts and candlelight dinners..." made me assume the man being wooed was gay. Do straight men enjoy such ridiculous acts of romance? Try buying him a case of beer and inviting some of your girlfriends over for a game of strip poker and I bet you'll be impressed with how quickly he begins appreciating you.

And if this fails, try auditioning for The Swan. A little plastic surgery probably couldn't hurt. Everyone knows that beautiful women are appreciated more than the ugly ones.

[nihilicious.livejournal.com]

Honey.

What do men want or look for in a woman?

Someone who cooks, cleans, can change a spare tire, opens her own damn doors, doesn't talk too much, thinks Jeff Foxworthy is funny, and in her spare time is a non-stop fucking machine.

Is that you? I didn't think so.

You see, the question is, "What will men put up with in a woman in order to get laid on a regular basis?"

And the answer is, "How regular a basis are we talking here?"

Do you see where I'm going with this? This romantic wine and dine stuff is fine if you're trying to date a woman, or possibly Tobey Maguire (whom I'm assuming, based on roles he's played, is a man). But if you're trying to date a straight guy, skip that crap and sex it up a notch. Or three.

P.S. All of the above advice is subject to the caveat, "unless he's hot." In which case, he's gay and you should just give up. In fact, I think I saw him making out with some guy at Vortex. In fact, I think it was me. What was his name again?

P.P.S. Can I just say how fun it is to try to pronounce "8BGGAAP"?