c9: (Cam Laughing)
Why is U2 so popular?

Imagine you’re a middle-aged, upper-middle class male.You live in a large metropolitan area. You have a good job. Your wife does Pilates.  Your oldest just started Kindergarten. Yes, you’re an adult but you’re still cool! Your jeans cost $125. Sometimes you wear sneakers with a blazer!


On the way, you listen to the “early stuff”. Joshua Tree pumps through the speakers of your Lexus SUV (no judgement - you have two kids!). The harmonies soothe. The lyrics are straightforward. You recall a simpler time before car seats and prostate exams. The nostalgia is so thick you have to wipe it from your face. You haven’t looked at your phone in nearly 11 minutes.


And the kicker: not one but TWO encores, the ones you know best – the ones you first heard that summer you painted houses or kissed Katie at the beach party. You’re closing your eyes now. This is sad and sweet. You put your arm around your wife. You’re wondering if Katie ever got married. A third of the crowd departs after the first encore.  It’s no big deal – some of us have work in the morning!  Anyway, the traffic will be better if everyone doesn't leave at once.


(Disclaimer: I looooove U2. I am totally the target of this, and I own it!)
c9: (Batman)
Wired senior editor Adam Rogers:

"I love Spider-Man like a brother, but do you really want to compare win-loss records? Batman recovered from having his spine snapped, defeated Darkseid, and managed to return to the present from the beginning of time. Spider-Man finds Doctor Octopus challenging, and every time he gets sad he thinks about quitting. More than once he was nearly killed by his own costume. Batman always has a plan. Spider-Man can't even get to work on time."

(can't find this online, but it's the June 2011 issue)
c9: (Cam Laughing)
Montreal is a trading post where you exchange your hopes and dreams for a mansion that costs 25 cents a month. When you get there, angels gently unburden you of your ambitions and hand you a beer. If you want more beer, you can get it at the convenience store, which has a more festive name than “convenience store.” You can drink anywhere and any time you want, because you will never again have to be sober for anything.

Montreal actually has by-laws against working, so if you move there you have to hang out forever. And the people you’ll be hanging out with are friendly and enthusiastic because they live in mansions and never have to work. They’re also very good looking, and they have sex all the time. They would like to have sex with you, too.

c9: (Tartan)
Cute video of Dan Savage on a college campus talking about monogamy and swinging. (Click the video to go to YouTube and watch many more little clips. It's like a magical moving-pictures version of Savage Love!!)

c9: (Banging my Head)
The whassup commercial characters, eight years later.

c9: (economist-cover)
1. The displayed usericon.

2. Q. What's the capital of Iceland?

    A. $3.50
c9: (Politics)
There's gonna be an election in Canada, starting in about a week. There's plenty of reasons not to, evidence either way, blah blah blah, but here's the rub: the Prime Minister just ordered the Governor-General to stay home instead of traveling to Beijing next week.

I was planning on working in the byelection and making some money, and now I'll lose that chance and have to work the main election instead. I hope the date is good so I can still be a Deputy Returning Officer!

Expect my politics tags to get a bit busier soon.
c9: (Politics)
"I finally figured it out, Stephen Harper is making a mockumentary about parliament, but to avoid paying scale hasn’t told the other actors."
--From a comment on the Maclean's blog Inkless Wells, related to this series of entries which provide an explanation from Kady O'Malley's Inside the Queensway.

Oh my.

May. 13th, 2008 08:29 pm
c9: (Cam Laughing)
Every Simpsons couch gag ever. Eep.

c9: (Lucky on my Lap)
...is this how we end up creating SkyNet?


(only funny if you know a little bit about programming and like stupid cat pictures)
c9: (Cam Laughing)
Oh so nerdy.

the music of Windows... (no seriously, check it out)
c9: (Politics)
Can I just say how comical the PQ leadership race *already* is?  Seriously. Gilles Duceppe said he talked to Pauline Marois before declaring his candidacy, then 24 hours later dropped out so she could jump in, then 24 hours later she officially joined the "race".

Maybe we can cause another flip-flop. What would it take to get Parizeau back in the game? (I'm guessing approximately 2 ounces of Scotch, but I don't actually know his drink of choice. He just seems very eager to show these whippersnappers how it's done.

Note for non-residents: PQ = Parti Québecois (a Québec provincial political party), Pauline Marois is the twice-failed leadership candidate and longtime cabinet minister in previous PQ governments, and Gilles Duceppe is the long-time leader of the federal Bloc Québecois, which purports to advocate for Québec in the federal legislature.
c9: (Eris & Dysnomia)
The Inbox Of Nardo Pace, The Empire's Worst Engineer
(stolen from http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/nardo-design-empire.php)

Subject Trash Compactor
From Death Star Detention Level Janitor <oldroscoe@empiremail.com>
Date A Long Time Ago 7:46 PM
To Nardo Pace <npace@empiremail.com>

Hey, kid. That trash compactor you designed is up and running and I've got to say it looks great. Lots of grime, a magnetically sealed hatch that can't be opened from the inside, a tentacled garbage creature that practically serves no purpose at all. It's got everything a salty old janitor could ever want.

One thing, though. It takes an awful long time to flatten garbage. I'm talking a minute or more, depending on how many flimsy poles I toss in there. If our capital ships can boogie at faster than light speeds, why can't we make a few walls slide toward one another at a speed that outpaces a Hutt's leisurely stroll?

Subject breathing device too fuckin LOUD
From Lord Vader <xVaDeRx@empiremail.com>
Date A Long Time Ago 12:20 AM
To Nardo Pace <npace@empiremail.com>

yo hey i still dont understand whats going on with this thing

can u put a knob on my breather apperatis so i can turn down the volume when im in the library or sneakin up on maintenence droids? why did u put a speaker on this thing in the first place lol


Subject E-11 Blaster Rifle Calibration Still Off
From Stormtrooper Commander 09731 <09731@empiremail.com>
Date A Long Time Ago 3:51 PM
To Nardo Pace <npace@empiremail.com>

As you know, the E-11 has come a long way since its initial prototype. Thanks to your hard work over the past three years the rifle no longer fires completely sideways, and with your latest revision, the number of casualties resulting from blaster fire being directed completely backwards has been drastically reduced.

That said, the E-11 still has some accuracy issues. We recently bolted one of the rifles to a testing mechanism so that it couldn't move even a millimeter, then set up a human-sized target six feet in front of the blaster's barrel. Shooting in two second intervals, we let the E-11 fire at the target continuously for three days.

The result? Not one shot hit the target. I realize you're busy, but perhaps we can go over the design one more time and iron this out.

Subject Death Star :(
From Foreman Galhi <fgalhi@empiremail.com>
Date A Long Time Ago 8:13 PM
To Nardo Pace <npace@empiremail.com>

Keep your chin up, ok? Don't let the whole "Death Star getting blown up" thing get you down.

It's really my fault just as much as it is yours. Your original plan called for three weak spots, and I asked you to cut it down to one. If I had suggested we get rid of the weak spots altogether none of this would have happened.

What do we do now? Mope? No. We learn from our mistakes and make an adjustment to the blueprint for the new Death Star I'm working on.

Construction is going great, by the way. As you suggested, instead of constructing a defensive shell around the framework then working my way inward, I'm just building all the cool stuff in the middle first. I think you're right, it's the best way to go.

Subject AT-ATs... hell yeah!
From Maximilian Veers <mveers@empiremail.com>
Date A Long Time Ago 10:09 AM
To Nardo Pace <npace@empiremail.com>

WOOO! Are you kidding me? Are you freaking kidding me!? These AT-ATs rule!

I cannot believe how awesome they are. I'm personally piloting one on our upcoming operation on Hoth and I can't wait to stomp on those rebel scum. There's like, no way to stop these things. I'm a big fan of yours, man. Big fan.

Subject carbonite transport device
From Boba Fett <backpacksgotjets@bountyhunters.com>
Date A Long Time Ago 3:17 PM
To Nardo Pace <npace@empiremail.com>

I am currently transporting a bounty that has been frozen in carbonite with a device you created. I have been told to direct any questions or comments I might have your way.

This is obviously a new technology, but might I suggest adding a few security measures to the transport device's control panel? Right now anyone can walk up to this thing and flip a few switches to release the frozen prisoner. I'm thinking a number pad with a secret code would be great, or heck, even a plain old key.

Just a friendly suggestion. Oh, and thanks for the modifications you made to my rocket pack. That "ignition" button square on the back of the pack where I can't reach it is great.

Subject This darn bottomless shaft in my room
From Emperor Palpatine <bigbossman@empiremail.com>
Date A Long Time Ago 1:42 AM
To Nardo Pace <npace@empiremail.com>

You are responsible for designing my Throne Room, yes? Do not doubt it. I can see the truth inside you. It burns with a twisted blackness that cannot be denied.

I ask you this: Why is there a chasm in my room? Was it really necessary? What purpose does it serve? Nothing useful has ever come of it. In fact, sometimes when I awake in the middle of the night and stumble in the darkness while making my way to the Imperial Restroom, I mistakenly wobble along the shaft's edge. I also bump my knee on the Imperial Coffee Table, but that is another matter.

I'm expecting very important company today, but I fully expect that you will draw up plans for a grate to cover this errant hole and have someone build it tomorrow. It is your destiny.
c9: (Drumbone)
My friend Joel ([livejournal.com profile] iambic_cub) is a master of the perfect generalization:

Folk music has always been around. That's because Hippies have always been around, and Folk Music = Hippies. Canada needs to crack down on pot. Otherwise all the hippies are going to move to Canada, and because of Canadian content regulations, we'll be stuck listening to Folk music. The Juno awards will be nothing more than 20 different subcategories of Folk music. As a result, Canadians will somehow discover a way to care even less about the Junos.
c9: (Default)
I feel I'm justified in linking to this YouTube clip from The Daily Show because it's linked on the front page of the National Post. *sigh*
c9: (System report)
From The Daily WTF:

Take-Your-Child-To-Work Day never made much sense to me. Unless you're someone cool like Tony Hawk or Batman, showing kids the reality of the workplace just seems outright cruel. Cubicles, meetings, TPS reports -- I mean really, while you're at it, why not just crush all of their hopes and dreams and tell them that Santa Claus died in a mid-air collision with the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny was run over while trying to save the world's last candy factory, and that there would never be any birthday parties ever again. It's practically the same thing.

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