Ha ha

[c9]

A man walks into the Doctor's office with a duck on his head. The doctor says "Can I help you?" and the duck responds with "Yeah, can you get this guy off my butt?"

A man calls his mother* and asks "How are you ma?" She says "Not so good, I haven't eaten in 38 days." The son says "why not?" and the mother says "I didn't want my mouth to be full in case you called."

I need some new jokes. Tell me a joke!

* an alternate version of this joke starts with "A Jewish man calls his mother..."

Comments

[quicktongue.livejournal.com]

I'll tell you my favourite next time I see you. It doesn't work in a written format....but it does involves a cow. And I won't tell you a horribly bad joke invovling a bear that has almost passed out of existence completely....with my help.

"I live on a dead-end, one-way street. I don't know how I got there"
- Stephen Wright

"God and I have a lot in common, we both drive a galaxy"
- Emo Phillips

"Two guys walk into a bar. Which is odd, cause you'd think the second guy would have seen it."
- Source Unknown

[sarah-sosiak.livejournal.com]

Grr...LJ doesn't like it when I put things in XML tags.

[Michael Jackson joke]

[thespos]

A boy is born and for some reason, he is just a head. No arms, no legs, no torso, but he's alive. His parents are upset, of course, but they do all they can for him to have as normal a life as possible.

When he is 21, his father takes him to a bar for the first time for his first alcoholic beverage. After he takes his first sip of beer, to everyone's surprise, a torso pops out of his head! He takes another sip, and he has arms! Another sip, he has legs! He has a full body!

He is so excited, he gets up and begins to run around, running out of the bar and into the street celebrating... where he is hit by an oncoming bus and is killed instantly.

The bartender, who watched this entire scene unfold, observes, "he should've quit while he was ahead."

:-P (from the final episode of The Vicar of Dibley)

[msvu20.livejournal.com]

Two guys walked into a bar. Neither of them saw it.

A man walks into the doctor's office and says I've got lettuce in my bum. The doctor says that's just the tip of the iceberg.

A man walks into the doctor's office and says I've got a strawberry on my head. The doctor says you'll need some creme for that.


No need to thank me.