Lonely

[c9]

I've just realized that I have no friends. That's needlessly melodramatic, and of course that's not what I mean. But I used to have very close friends who I could (and would) tell everything to, and we'd discuss things into the wee hours. I've realized that I don't have any of those types of friends anymore.

I have plenty of friends -- we're making new friends all the time in Toronto, which is fun. But even the old friends I'm reconnecting with are people who I don't have much history with, so I don't feel close to them yet in that "baring your soul" kind of way.

And my very close friends from the past I know I could easily reconnect with again given the opportunity, it's just that our lives have taken us far apart and the connection has been reduced to little updates and occasional visits, rather than having all the time in the world like we did in university or in high school.

I'm just venting really. I'm not in any way suggesting that any of my friends has not behaved the way they should have.

I just miss it. My parents once told me that as we age, we spend the entire time disconnecting from friends rather than staying connected. That is to say, I'll end up with a much smaller circle of friends than I have now. Kinda depressing. What about all my work on Facebook? -- I have 198 friends, for crissakes. Of course, when you have someone on your friends list and you can't answer the "How do you know _____?" question, that probably says something about the depth of connection.

I don't remember where, but I read once about kids replacing friends in your brain and your life. Except we don't have kids, just cats, and they're not the best conversationalists.

Comments

[ironmanjt.livejournal.com]

Needlessly melodramatic? Possibly, but I can completely sympathize. I mean, same story, I/we have plenty of friends, but not that type of friends.

How much of this do you think is due to being in a long-term relationship? I hear my "friends" talk about their lives, and they seem to have new "friends" every week, who you never hear about again. It seems so often when we finally meet that guy who we make the deep emotional connection with, others are afraid to get close to us since we're "emotionally taken."

How many times have you heard "You wouldn't understand - you HAVE a man." Ug.

[simplisticton.livejournal.com]

Each of us only has so much energy to expend -- it goes to ourselves, our spouse, our kids, our friends, our jobs/school and our hobbies/passions. We get to portion it out, and the portions change over time. As we get older, and have spouses and kids and bigger/better jobs, the amount of energy we have for friends and ourselves and our hobbies necessarily declines. It's the natural order of things. But if you can clearly see the apportioning of energy, you have more control over it, and that's the key. Think of it like a budget.

[jdhorner.livejournal.com]

would it be wrong of me to say that i know *exactly*, and i mean exactly, how you feel?

[sarah-sosiak.livejournal.com]

Funny, I was thinking much the same thing the other day. I've gotten to a point where while I miss it, I can barely remember what it was like to have those friends close by. I think I'm lucky in that I do get to still have that connection with some, but there's always a flight involved which means I can only do it a few times a year. Sure, no one held a gun to my head and forced me to move to CA, but even if I hadn't, a lot of those friendships were pulling apart with the addition of SOs and children.

I'm at a weird point in my life where I've decided that I don't want kids...so I really don't know what I should strive for next, socially. Most people would say "marriage", but I don't want to do something that significant just because it's next on an arbitrary list.

The strange thing, is that I don't miss this as much as I did when I was in SEA, even though I had closer friendships there. Acceptance maybe? That part of my brain has just atrophied to the point where it doesn't care?

[jpman.livejournal.com]

I remember us having this conversation last year, just with me on the other end.

[c9.livejournal.com]

Not wrong at all. :)

[jdhorner.livejournal.com]

not sure why i phrased it that way.
i think i meant more of a "would it be wrong if" i agreed with you completely without any elaboration. but i guess that's obvious. lol.

anyway.
indeed.

[erinrogo.livejournal.com]

I feel the same way - just yesterday I was having some strange emotional stuff and wanted someone to talk to, but realised there wasn't really anyone. I'm still in touch with some people who filled that kind of role in the past, but I'm just not that close to them anymore. Nowadays good friends really seem to come and go - I guess that's life...

[fiver00.livejournal.com]

I think everyone goes through this. It's a sad reality. I guess I'm lucky that my best friend decided Edmonton was a suitable place to move after school because I can deny my dwindling friend-base for a little while longer.

Oddly enough, I was talking about you a few days ago, saying that I wished we had stayed closer than we have. I was desperatly craving some 'geek' talk after seeing Spiderman 3 and there was no one around. :S

xo

[thespos]

I think that type of friendship is the hardest to maintain over the long-term, and in some ways, is just easier when you're younger.

And you still have the V Man. :-)

I have been thinking a lot about my first year of college, and have been thinking the same thing. *sigh*

[bartok.livejournal.com]

Of course the flip side of all of that is if you've run into people that you'd really want to have "bare their soul" to you over the past few years. I find that number to have decreased considerably since HS/Uni...