An Open Letter

[c9]

Dear English-speakers:

Please remove the apostrophe from your keyboard. We all use it incorrectly. Argh.

Sincerely,

Cam


If you ever want to add an apostrophe to a noun, don't. One apple, two apples. Not apple's. Apple's means that the apple owns something. Similar to Joe's Truck Stop. Even in a weird situation, like PDA or flea. Cam likes PDAs, the dog might have fleas. Not PDA's. Not flea's.

What about its and it's? Every time you want to type it's, replace it with "it is." If it still works, then it's OK. (see? it is OK.) There's a similar test for "its." Replace it with "her" and if it still works, you're fine.

It's about time. = It is about time.

The dog chased its tail. = The dog chased her tail.


If I made a typo in this bit, I'm sorry. But my mind is on other things today. :-)

More info on this, even though nobody cares about this like I do: http://owl.english.purdue.edu/handouts/grammar/g_apost.html

Comments

[miket61.livejournal.com]

So, you're against property rights for apples and fleas?

I think that it should be mandated by law that each English-speaking newborn receives a copy of Strunk and White's Elements of Style.

[c9.livejournal.com]

It's already mandated by law that every newborn receive 10-13 years of education in English grammar, spelling and usage. Hasn't worked. :-)

and i hate the apples and the fleas.

[c9.livejournal.com]

Excellent! All that spying on your father worked.

[c9.livejournal.com]

I just get pissy about poor grammar.

In front of City Hall in Halifax, there are two signs admonishing people not to park in front of the cenotaph. Unfortunately, they say Please do not park in front of the "cenotaph", which always sets me off on an internal rant about the misuse of quotation marks.

Only one friend appreciates this. And even that might be a stretch.

[bartok.livejournal.com]

I appreciate your "concerns".

[c9.livejournal.com]

No no, it's I "appreciate" your concerns. That way the person thinks they're cared about. Another good one is I'll be sure to give your comments all the attention they deserve.

[strainednoodles.livejournal.com]

I appreciate you. Though, I must admit my gramatic concerns when I'm writing are neglegable really.

To be honest, alot of times I try to write as bad as possible to see if I can get a reaction out of anyone. It doesn't work. Maybe that is because when I'm trying to write bad, I actually write better. How unfun.

[monkeyx3.livejournal.com]

My favorite is CD's or even "My 70's CD's."

[senhor.livejournal.com]

Where is the apple? The apple's on the counter.

;p

[jdhorner.livejournal.com]

i knew my husband would whip it out...

...an example to show you that apple can have an apostrophe-s, that is.

[iambic-cub.livejournal.com]

I undarstend punkteuaton! I no how too use uh samicolin; I no the colin: yu use it lik this. My punkteuaton shewdn't buther yu at al.

[nihilicious.livejournal.com]

senhor stole my comment. But I do hope that I'm the one friend.

[miket61.livejournal.com]

Just wanted to say hi... since philarich74 used my computer all weekend (and I do mean ALL weekend), I feel like I know you. :)

[miket61.livejournal.com]

Quotes are only to be used around single words or phrases if it's clearly a euphemism...

We went to dinner with Bill and his "friend," Marty.
We spent the weekend with Donald and Marla at their "cottage" in the Hamptons.
He finally got a new job as a "sanitation engineer."

On a related topic - there is a Chinese Restaurant in the Colony Square food court called Chien's Oriental Cuisine. (This is scary enough on its own.) The table with the condiments and silverware stuck out into the aisle, so they had a sign:

Chien's Oriental Customers Only.

Apparently, non-Asian customers felt uncomfortable, so they changed the sign to:

Chien's Costumers Only.

[c9.livejournal.com]

Yes, you are. And I knew Tobin would try to pull a fast one.

[trevorizing.livejournal.com]

Nothing irks more *more* than you're/your mistakes. (And of course, they're/their/there.)

"Your not making any sense!"

"No, you're not making any sense!"

AAAAARGH. I will join your Grammar Illuminati club.